I am so wonderfully blessed. I have a tremendous amount of things to be thankful for.

The past few weeks have not been easy. It's never more apparent that Mom died than around the holidays. I have a new family who loves me a lot, but that will never take out all the sting.

I've been reflecting on her a great deal lately. Why did she die? Why did I act the way I did towards her? Why didn't I take more opportunities to enjoy what I had? Why am I ok with a God who chooses to save some and not others? How am I to answer to those who don't believe in God when they question his benevolence?

I won't pretend I know much of any of the answer to these questions. But I know He is good. I know He took care of me right after she died. I know He loves me. And I know He doesn't want me to dwell on the negative, but learn from it if anything. But it still sucks.

I do value life more than ever before I have noticed. I hope I live it more fully than I have in the past.